At the Pearly Gate

Well, I was just 49 - too young to be dead!
Grim Reaper caught me with the neighbor's wife and the pool boy, in bed.
I've no regrets about the life I've spent.
But I always thought before I went...
I'd have the chance to repent.

Mr. Lucifer claims he holds a marker for my soul.
But I'll be damned if I'll fry in some fiery hole.
With some shuck and jive, I'm going to change my fate,
When I do the Hokey-Pokey at the Pearly Gate.

I'm going to do the Hokey-Pokey at the Pearly Gate.
Going to dance for my soul before it's too late.
I can't understand why I'm in this fix,
Of the seven deadly sins,
I only got to six.

St. Peter cracked open the gate. I put my right foot in.
He said "You don't belong here. You still reek of gin!"
With a heavenly shove, he pushed my right foot out.
"You're nothing but a drunken lout!"
"Don't waste my time! Get out!"

Well ... sex, drugs and rock and roll,
Who knew they'd jeopardize my soul?
Come on, take an eraser and wipe clean my slate,
While I do the Hokey Pokey at the Pearly Gate.

I'm going to do the Hokey-Pokey at the Pearly Gate.
Going to dance for my soul before it's too late.
I can't understand why I'm in this fix,
Of the seven deadly sins,
I only got to six.

The gate opened up again; I put my left foot in.
Saint Peter said "Nice try, but I know where you've been."
He slammed the gate on my toes and booted me out.
My foot, it hurt so bad ...
I had to shake it all about.

Ever since they punched my ticket for eternal damnation
I've decided to re-think sin and salvation.
I saw the light, but my light lit too late.
My only hope's the Hokey-Pokey at the Pearly Gate.

The gate, it opened up again; I put my body in.
They tried to push me out, but I started to spin.
I danced so fast, I went by in a flash.
The angels gathered 'round...
They started throwin' cash.

I did a Two-step and a Charleston, Macarena, too.
Mashed potato, the Frug, and a Boogaloo.
I danced a sexy Lambada; my Lindy Hop was great!
For my finale I Hokey-Pokey'd at the Pearly ...

Hey, Saint Peter, you're lookin' great!
Is that a new robe? Did you lose some weight?
You got to help me out of this fix I'm in.
I'm a victim of circumstance.
I never meant to sin.

Peter said "OK, I'm going to cut you a deal.
I really can't let you in, the way you lie, cheat and steal,
But I'm bored standing here all day at the gate,
Entertain me and I'll save your soul
From its wretched fate."

"Just keep on a-dancin'; things will work out well.
But, if you ever stop, you're going straight to hell."
And now we've reached the end of this tale I relate.
I'm going to do the Hokey-Pokey.
Do the Hokey-Pokey.
I'll Hokey-Pokey 'til the end of time,
Here at the Pearly Gate.

"At the Pearly Gate" Copyright 2009 Paul James Frantz (ASCAP)