One Has Fleas

When she said "I do," my friends all knew
How my life with her would turn out to be.
Now they roll their eyes and pretend to be surprised
When I tell them she's been cheating on me.

We seemed the perfect family - my wife, the dog and me.
But I finally had to open my eyes.
They only stay because I feed them, and though I really need them,
One has fleas and the other one lies.

One has fleas and the other one lies.
My family didn't turn out like I'd fantasized.
I walk in my front door - see two pair of eyes.
One has fleas and the other one lies.

When I ask her where she's been, she says she just got in
From a trip to the grocery store.
But her hair is kind of a mess, and she's wearing that dress
She never wears for me any more.

There's no groceries in the truck, and she said it's bad luck
She lost her ring yesterday at the pool.
The dog's looking at me - even he can see
My cheating wife is playing me for a fool.

One has fleas and the other one lies
A dysfunctional family we epitomize.
I walk in my front door - see two pair of eyes.
One has fleas and the other one lies.

I thought the puppy would bring out all the love in her heart,
And a little would spill over to me.
Now he sleeps in the middle, between her and me,
Like a bedroom D.M.Z.

In the morning I awake with a tongue in my ear,
But it's the wrong tongue to turn me on. And the
Flea eggs are a-hatching, so I'm itching and scratching
Wondering why I bother to face the dawn.

One has fleas and the other one lies.
With my family situation you can sympathize.
I walk in my front door - see two pair of eyes.
One has fleas and the other one lies.

<< scat >>

Well, if you think that I'm complaining, hey, I'm really not.
Things could be a whole lot worse.
I could be sick, I could be broke, I could be flat on my back,
Taking a ride in a hearse.

She could find out about Jessie, Riley, Chris or Bobbie.
The Taylor twins could spell my demise.
So when I think of how it could be, perhaps it's as it should be, that
One has fleas, and the other one lies.

"One Has Fleas" Copyright 2009 Paul James Frantz (ASCAP)