Teacher's Packin' Heat

Safety in our schools is priority number one.
To that end, we're arming every teacher with a gun.
The changes in the classroom will be so very small,
We expect the kids will hardly notice them at all!.

Welcome, boys and girls, to the start of a new school year!
Sit down, and listen up, to something you need to hear...
Respect for the teacher is the rule in this class;
Step out of line, I'm gonna' cap your ass!,
Things are gonna change around here,
This Teacher's Packin' Heat!

In my class, every student will be polite.
You will not cause trouble. And, you will not fight.
Cross me, and you will find, to your chagrin,
I'll be sending flowers to your next of kin!
Things are gonna change around here,
Teacher's Packin' Heat!

Teacher's Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat,
With a full load of dum-dums in my clip!
Teacher's Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat -
Takin' off on a power trip!

Frannie in the front row, giving me one of your looks,
Telling all your friends, "Only losers read books!"
If I may suggest, and I don't wish to be rude,
Mister Glock would like to see a new attitude!
Things are gonna' change around here,
Teacher's Packin' Heat!

Bobby in the back row, bragging how you're gonna' get laid,
May I draw your attention to my new "teaching aid?"
Put your phone in your pocket, your eyes on the test,
Or the only "laid" you're gonna' get, is "laid to rest!"
Things are gonna change around here,
Teacher's Packin' Heat!

Teacher's Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat,
High on a power I've never felt!
Teacher's Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat -
And now, I'm wearing camo and an ammo belt.

Hey, Mister Principal, about your creepy hugs...
Keep your hands to yourself, or you're gonna' catch a couple of slugs!"
And don't you try to put me on lunchroom duty -
My trigger finger's twitchin' and feelin' kind of "shoot-y"!
Things are gonna' change around here,
Teacher's Packin' Heat!

No more "Mister Nice Guy" - time to say how I feel.
Parent - teacher conferences are about to get real!
Sarah's very sweet, but dumb as a brick.
Donald is a narcissistic, money-grubbing
pathological liar with severely underdeveloped hands.
...Packin' Heat!

Teacher's Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat, Packin' Heat,
You all better run and hide for a while!
You know what's gonna' happen when this educator's packin' -
I'm going hunting Dick Cheney style!

I'm proud to be the one to keep you all safe and sound.
If a shooter comes through that door, I'm gonna' stand my ground!
And if my Glock's not enough to protect this class,
In the chemistry lab, they're making nerve gas!!
Things are gonna' change around here,
Wait! Wait! Wait!

I forgot to tell you one thing more:
If I catch you all cheating, there'll be blood on the floor!
Things are gonna' change around here,
Teacher's Packin' Heat!

"Teacher's Packin' Heat" Copyright 2018 Paul James Frantz (ASCAP)